Seriously. There’s Just 3 Rules.: An SML Review of “Ouija: Origin of Evil”

There are only three rules to Ouija, the beloved Parker Brothers board game: Never play alone. Never play in a cemetery. Always say goodbye. While it’s pretty easy to make it through a game of Monopoly without really abiding by the rules (be honest—have you ever read them all the …

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Animal Husbandry at its Finest: An SML Review of “Black Sheep”

If horror movies have taught us anything about the world, it’s that nature is terrifying. And you shouldn’t mess around with it. Seriously. Don’t do it. Don’t spend your life trying to “cure death” by piecing dead criminals back together. Don’t build matter transportation pods in your fly-infested living room. …

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Pass the Skull, Please: An SML Review of “Frankenstein Island”

The name “Frankenstein Island” conjures up an over-engineered theme park attraction, complete with ticket takers and souvenir circuit breakers. “Welcome to Frankenstein Island! Can I interest you in a bag of candy neck bolts?” Remarkably, what you get from the movie Frankenstein Island (1981) is something even more absurd. The …

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What Happens in College…: An SML Review of “Heir”

Do you remember when you were in college and you did something that you regretted immediately afterward? Something that haunts you and drives you even now, years later? (Is it just us?) We’re not expressly told what happened between Denis and “Dad” Gordon 20 years ago, but it seems that …

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The 1970s Never Looked So Cold: An SML Review of “Kiss of the Damned”

Loosely modeled after 1970s-style vampire flicks, Kiss of the Damned (2012) incorporates many of the iconic elements of films from that era, including the sparse opening credits in electric purple and pensive second-crew shots of treetops and the mundane, suddenly but illogically bathed in meaning. But is a nostalgia for …

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