15. Monsters Like Long Teeth, Sharp Nails

Fangs and claws are not only a useful and tortuous tool for monsters, they’re also sets of fashionable accessories. As mentioned in an earlier post (see “Good Hair Days”), monsters care very much about their appearance, and can be just as vain as anyone else.

Long teeth and sharp nails are considered all the rage among monsters, the longer and sharper, the better. They add equally to a monster’s style, presentation of power among lesser monsters, and sex appeal. They’re kinda like gold teeth, a gun, and big boobs all rolled up into one. Or I guess two.

It’s a little known fact among those of us who shop in typical retail markets, but apothecaries actually carry special things to promote tooth and nail growth and strength. Much like humans may take gelatin tablets made from horse hooves to improve our nail strength, apothecaries stock minotaur gelatin. And like we would drink good ol’ milk for calcium to improve our bones, monsters can buy sphinx milk.

It’s not easy being green. Or gray, or hairy, or whatever the monster may be. Looking sharp takes work. And staying sharp – with long fangs and razor-like claws – takes work too.

Film Title: The Wolfman

Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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