22. Monsters Like Fearless, Immodest Women

Hanging around the murky depths of the lagoon all day makes it hard for an eligible monster to meet chicks. When the opportunity presents itself, any swamp freak worth its gills should jump at the chance.

Many girls who visit the lagoon just sit on the banks, maybe throw a few stones into the water.

Sometimes, a female visitor will be both fearless and immodest. She will walk knee-deep into the black liquid of the swamp, strip down to her bikini, and dive right in.

The display makes this creature’s fish eyes pop out of my head. She makes my cold-blooded, two-chambered fish heart beat with gusto. I want to paddle up to her with my webbed fingers and ask her out to a dinner of raw arthropods and seaweed.

But I’ve always been an old-fashioned kind of monster. I’ll probably just kidnap her.



Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

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