222. Monsters Like Lethargy and High Cholesterol Diets

Exercise is just a lie told by the health nuts and marathon sponsors.

I’ve lived for millennia. I’ve traveled across time and lived through all the major rises and falls of civilizations around the world. When I was young, I hunted and gathered, I followed the buffalo, and I built some of the greatest feats of architecture on Earth. By hand.

I was the perfect picture of majesty and good health.

And you know what?

One day I just keeled over. A victim of clogged arteries.

So take it from me. You’re just as well off on the couch with your Cheetos. Don’t make those Mad Men reruns wait for you to finish that jog. Just go ahead and watch them now.

Before someone embalms your eyeballs and puts them in a canopic jar.

Click the image for more info about mummies with heart disease.

Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

Comments are closed.