298. Monsters Like Being the One Percent

See that giant, creepy mansion on the hill? Yeah. That’s mine.

Oh. Did I mention I have a chauffeur? And a butler? And don’t even get me started on that multi-million dollar laboratory in the basement where I conduct my questionable and unethical experiments. Do you think those giant plasma spectroscopes just paid for themselves? Well, I assure you, they did not.

I paid for it. All of it. With my incredible wealth.

Here’s my advice. All of you impoverished, have-not beggars, enjoy your days “occupying” city parks and dilapidated sidewalks because your days are numbered.

I’ll be planning the takeover of the world from my ostentatious yet non-flamboyant mansion, on the hill, overlooking the humble village, filled with the illiterate, state-college educated commoners, below.

The villagers say they’re the 99 percent. I’m surprised they can do simple math.


Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

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