300. Monsters Like the 13th Floor

Halloween is like Christmas for monsters. It’s our biggest night of the year. We like to celebrate, and we like to celebrate BIG. We’re talking gifts, parties, human sacrifices – the whole nine!

But during such a big holiday season, how does anyone have time to shop around? I don’t know about you, but I’m absolutely swamped. No pun intended. So, for the last 150 years, when I need to get a lot of shopping done, I’ve gone to the one store that has everything: Macy’s Department Store.

Surprised? Don’t be. We go to a different floor of the department store. A floor you’ve probably never noticed before because it doesn’t appear on your elevator dial.

That’s right. Monsters shop on the mysterious, elusive – and totally awesome (seriously, you guys are missing tons of fun!) – thirteenth floor.

The trendy monster’s Macy’s looks a little different from this child-filled, crowded and cluttered Macy’s that you’re used to during YOUR holiday season. And thank goodness! Our shopping experience certainly does not look like this:

If it did, I don’t think store profits would be as high during the holidays, because the more testy ghouls and goblins would likely destroy all of you for crowding them on aisles and cutting in line at the checkout.

No ladies handbags, children’s hats, or men’s dress shoes on our floor. Instead, we have all the things a social monster needs to get ready for its big Halloween soiree. Yes, sir. On the 13th Floor, you can get your sheets pressed for maximum spookiness. Or stock up on the Eye of Newt that you ran out of at last year’s party. Great gift ideas are everywhere, too, from a new Shatner mask for Mike to a Furminator for old Wolfie.

With all great things they have available, it’s easy to get lost among the racks of items and accessories. Luckily, Macy’s knows how to create a flawless shopping experience. A handy floor map is available just as you exit the elevator.

That is, if you know how to get the elevator to stop on the 13th floor….

Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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