302. Monsters Like Haunted Hayrides

Ah, October. Our favorite time of year!

When the leaves are falling, and mornings are cool, and you know the entire town is going to break out in mayhem any minute.

And we’re not just talking any ordinary kind of mayhem. We’re talking about ghosts and goblins and creepy-ass clowns everywhere. On the streets, at church fundraisers, in bars downtown.

Even hayrides are not safe! Hayrides: usually the most unobtrusive, kitschy, beige-and-blah family activity you can think of. Hayrides: those things your grandparents used to take you on because they weren’t hip enough to join you in the arcade.


All of a sudden, your typical snooze of a hayride is transformed into a deathly, deadly, terrifying experience, full of screaming girls in bloody dresses and men in masks with chainsaws. Cackling high school kids pop out from behind trees and remind you why you always hated school in the first place. Tractor drivers keel over dead when, in a sudden panic, you pull out your emergency hatchet from your jacket pocket and catch them with a sudden blow, right behind the ear.

Wait. That’s not how your haunted hayrides normally go?

Maybe that’s why we’ve been banned for life from the Glendale County Pumpkin Patch Adventure…

Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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