34. Monsters Like Stain Removers with Bleach

He’s been cooped up in that tomb for 35 hundred years. Now that his eternal slumber has been disturbed, he’s ready to spread his cursed terror on mankind, and mingle with a few of the ladies.

But the centuries haven’t been kind to those threads. And when you’re the dead ruler of Egypt who has returned from the netherworld, threads is all you got. Times have changed. Ladies don’t want to be stalked and taken by some nappy-threaded mummy dripping with bodily fluids and brain drainage. Nope. Modern ladies want to be wined and dined by some mummy in bright, bleached, shiny threads sprayed with stain removers. Looks like the swaddled king needs a quick trip to the supermarket, aisle 12. And while he’s there, maybe he can remember to pick up some duct tape, you know, for those annoying loose dangley frays.



Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

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