358. Monsters Like Being the Stars of Their Own Movies, Bryan Cranston!

The name of this movie is Godzilla, Bryan Cranston. The film is not called Everyone Look At Bryan Cranston And How Awesome He Is.

Every freaking time I would appear on the screen, the giant lizard whom the movie is named after, I had to look down and see you acting your ass off, Bryan Cranston.

See, I don’t have a lot of tricks up my sleeve. Basically, all I can do is look all big and menacing and crash a lot of stuff. I never took method acting classes like you did, Bryan Cranston. I’m a one trick pony – er, lizard – but the people want to see my one trick: smashing the crap out of cities.

Audiences don’t pay to see subtle nuance, brilliant acting, and emotionally-driven believable characters, Bryan Cranston. They want big things blowing up. And that’s what I can deliver.

So, next time, Bryan Cranston, just stay home. You really wrecked my movie with all your process and being a master of your craft. Let the experts handle the big movies and you just stay on the small screen.

Also, Bryan Cranston, can I have your autograph? I love you in that one show.





Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

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