The name of this movie is Godzilla, Bryan Cranston. The film is not called Everyone Look At Bryan Cranston And How Awesome He Is.
Every freaking time I would appear on the screen, the giant lizard whom the movie is named after, I had to look down and see you acting your ass off, Bryan Cranston.
See, I don’t have a lot of tricks up my sleeve. Basically, all I can do is look all big and menacing and crash a lot of stuff. I never took method acting classes like you did, Bryan Cranston. I’m a one trick pony – er, lizard – but the people want to see my one trick: smashing the crap out of cities.
Audiences don’t pay to see subtle nuance, brilliant acting, and emotionally-driven believable characters, Bryan Cranston. They want big things blowing up. And that’s what I can deliver.
So, next time, Bryan Cranston, just stay home. You really wrecked my movie with all your process and being a master of your craft. Let the experts handle the big movies and you just stay on the small screen.
Also, Bryan Cranston, can I have your autograph? I love you in that one show.
Sincerely,
Godzilla
