37. Monsters Like Tanning Beds

Since 1978, vampires and other creatures of the night have had a safe and effective source for something that had previously only ever been acquired through sucking the life force out of their victims: vitamin D. With a propensity for photodermatosis (see previous post, “Hanging Out in the Dark”), vampires and the like have trouble spending time outside during the day, and are among the populations most likely to get Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – along with Scandinavians and Icelanders. But not any more! Now vampires can easily get their correct dose of vitamin D, and live better lives.

Tanning beds have been increasingly easy to come across, making venturing into more rural areas of the country easier, as well. Now over-tanned night walkers are not confined to the inner boroughs of New York, but can travel to New Jersey, and spend some time at the shore.

In vampire circles, pale is so nineteenth century. Crispy tan is where it’s at.


Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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