372. Monsters Like Dewey Decimal 001.944

Is there anything more magical and mysterious than a large, old library?

The smell of yellowed pages. The slight mustiness of the worn covers, no matter how clean the library is kept. The rows upon rows of spell books and ancient incantations. The cauldron kept conspicuously in the middle of the room for easy access.

Yes – it’s just like being at Grandmama’s again.

We know a lot of monsters who have grown up and given up their love of libraries. So much havoc can be caused on the internet now that many monsters have given up the old ways and have turned to cable news or Chatroulette.

But there are those of us who want to preserve the old ways. We believe demons should be summoned from Latin texts held within dusty old books bound in leather from a questionable source. We believe sleeping curses should be caused by carefully crafted cocktails of hemlock and eye of Newt, not tryptophan and energy drink crashes.

If more and more monsters continue to turn to modern methods to rain destruction down upon their mortal enemies, soon there will be no one left who knows these books inside and out, cover to cover. Like Grandmama did.

When that day comes, it will be important to keep all our resources organized. That way, spells can be cast quickly, without spending half an afternoon finding the correct book first. That’s why we demand our minions keep our library neat using the Dewey Decimal System.

If only so many of the books weren’t in the same category….


Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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