384. Monsters Like Being in Denial about their own State of Undeath

“I’m not fat, I’m just big-boned.”

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”

“I’ve got something better than a six pack; I’ve got a whole keg.”

You mortals and your tiring obsession with your weight. We watch TV. We see the commercials: exercise machines and Weight Watchers programs followed by four course meals at Olive Garden with unlimited breadsticks.

Didn’t your grandparents ever teach you that moderation is key?

Well, we can’t chastise you too much. Monsters have a similar problem of our own – with our mortality.

As much fun as it is to indulge in the feasts of the dead, most monsters love to keep running from that life until we look good and alive again. Being dead is a weight on our soul, and it’s a weight we work hard to be rid of.

It’s easy to resign yourself to being dead. To just go out with your friends every night and wreak havoc at the bars and restaurants around town. Worry later about being alive again. But most of us don’t have that potential. We want to feel alive, and we fight for that feeling by denying the truth.

Denial is more than a river in Egypt. It’s what gives us our strength to be beautiful. And alive. Forever.


Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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