40. Monsters Like Hyperbole

Everything looks bigger in the dark, and monsters have no problem taking advantage where they can. Monsters love hyperbole. It makes their job scaring the be-Jesus out of people much easier. It’s good for their self-esteem, too.

The Glendale Police Department has files and files of inaccurate eyewitness reports.

A lady says she was attacked by the Wolfman with Six-inch claws.

A villager says he spotted Frankenstein’s Monster standing over Seven feet tall.

Neither of these reports is true. The Wolfman’s claws are only about three and a half inches long. Frankenstein is no taller than 6”3’ (He wears platform shoes.)

We at “Stuff Monsters Like” want to put you at ease. The next time a deranged killer chases you through the forest while wielding a 12-inch machete, please remember that your mind is just playing tricks on you. That blade is probably only 7 ½ inches long at best.

You can thank us later for your peace of mind.


This post randomly brought to you by the Monster Island Tourism Board.

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Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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