423. Monsters Like Licking Knives

Why do we do it? It doesn’t give us any tactical advantage over you, our victim. In fact, it kind of hurts. Have you ever licked a knife? Well, no. Of course you haven’t. Because there’s no reason for you to have ever done it.

We’ve already captured you. You’re already terrified. Watching a monster lick a knife really doesn’t frighten you even more.

It just makes it really painful for us to eat and drink and talk for the next couple days.

But, if monsters made sense, we wouldn’t be monsters. We’d be lifeguards or car salesmen.

So, we’re pretty sure, as long as it continues to creep out our captives, we’re gonna keep doing it.

Now open wide and say “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Monsters like licking knives



Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

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