441. Monsters Like Staples Rewards Points

You know what’s illogically expensive?: Printing ink. Dear demon gods, the amount of money we spend every year on printing ink! It’s obscene.

And paper! It feels like the more we switch to digitally-based mayhem, the more paper we need to use. Why we need to continue to print and file invoices for services is beyond me. We rarely ever need to refer back to old accounts—most of our clients end up dead!

And no matter how many group meetings we have, it seems like there’s always that one coworker who prints out every email she receives. I guess when we talk about archiving emails, she assumes we mean in the ancient filing cabinets in the back office. Who knows?

But the worst—the absolute worst—guy we’ve ever had on board is the guy who prints out his girlfriend’s Facebook photos. I mean, I guess they’re from her Facebook page. Where else would he get so many awfully mundane photos of the same girl? Just walking home from the corner store. Or on the phone in the park. Geez.

Seriously, dude. It’s a good thing we get a discount from bringing back our empty ink cartridges or you’d bleed us dry.

You’re not asking us to bleed ourselves dry, are you?


Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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