46. Monsters Like Stealing Chickens

Monsters like making off with livestock. It’s free, it’s tasty, it’s readily available, it constitutes stealing, and it often gets us shot at – which makes us look cool to our friends.

Stealing livestock may not be the classiest monster pass time (it’s about on par with the human pass time of cow tipping), but, hey, it’s something to do on a quiet, moonlit evening. And more than about any other type of farm animal (see future post “Goat Sucking”), monsters like to steal chickens.

Chickens are a funny sort of animal, and horribly easy to steal. They make noise constantly, which makes it harder for farmers to realize what’s going on until we’re already out the back door of the barn. They bunk up together in their coops, so close that we can practically just reach in and grab one. And they’re just the right size to bite into and carry off by the neck.

Best of all – chicken is tasty. I know it may seem hard to believe in a monster’s world full of culinary choices, but sometimes monsters do get a little tired of eating little girls and drinking the blood of virgins. Every now and then, we just prefer a simple, easy-to-catch drumstick. Or a chicken sandwich with Muenster cheese… Yum!

I, personally, like to go on two chicken raids every week – just to prove I’ve still “got it.” However, after I got back to my lair from my last raid, I started wondering if maybe I should start leaving some sort of calling card. Something to let everyone know it wasn’t just some average Coyote Joe who made off with Farmer Bill’s prize hens.

So, next time the night’s just a little too quiet and the moonlight happens to forget to shine on the barn, Beware! You might go in the next morning to find your barn tagged and your chickens snagged.


Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.