461. Monsters Like Collecting Antiques

When you live longer than the average human, if becomes easy to develop hoarding habits. After a few standard human generations—hell, after a few millennia—you end up acquiring things that you just can’t get rid of.

Does any one person really need a half dozen swords and daggers? On the one hand, I can easy kill a crowd of humans with nothing but my mind. On the other hand, I did have to slaughter a whole Viking village to acquire the earl’s prize crucible steel sword.

Decisions, decisions.

You humans today prize age over utility. I can’t believe how much that works in my favor! I found a few old Roman denarii in a cloak the other day, and BAM… $45,000.

And you know what? If I keep even a few dollars of that in cash, like I did a century ago, I can always trade that in later for even more money. I kept a Brasher doubloon as a memento for a while (just a couple hundred years, really) and traded it in a couple years ago for $6 million.


Thanks for funding my immortality, stupid humans.

Old currency, old books, old art and furniture, old toys, old maple syrup jars… You humans aren’t helping me kick that hoarding habit at all.

How much will you give me for this pocket watch I stole off of Beethoven?


Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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