469. Monsters Like that Flashlights Never Work

We read somewhere that a flashlight was really just a plastic tube to store dead batteries inside. And boy, do we monsters know it?

We thrive in the darkness. Flashlights do not. This is why we will always win.

If you want our advice, don’t take the time to fidget through the utility drawer and find a flashlight when you’re being chased. It won’t do you any good. You’re just losing a little more of the head start you have.

And you’re going to end up caught and in the dark anyway. So, leave the flashlight behind and just run. Either way, you lose.



Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

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