486. Monsters Like the Earth’s 23.5° Tilt on its Axis

Right now, millions of people across the northern hemisphere are pulling their skimpy clothes from the bottom of their wardrobes. They have felt the change in the wind, and after months of being cooped up in their squalid homes, they are itching to spend more hours of the day outside, soaking up a giant gas ball’s deadly radiation. And vitamin D.

Not us.

To all who dwell upon it, our small planet’s steady revolution around the sun is something to be celebrated. But where mere mortals celebrate its tilt toward the star, the more evolved among us prefer the seasonal tilt away. That inclination toward the cold, lifeless reaches of endless space invigorates us.

Long, seemingly endless nights. Short and dull days. An accompanying drop in temperature from a lack of irradiating particles. These are features of the poles that for some reason do not dissuade you, even though you hate them as much as we need them to live.

We salute you for your hardiness. It makes for a much more enjoyable meal.


Our monster mascots help us with our evil schemes, as well as taking care of chores around the mansion. From writing press releases to collaborating on blog posts, this blog would not exist without them.

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