487. Monsters Like Creating the Entire Known Universe

Warning: this post is filled with factual history!

Once upon a time, God, Vishnu, the Greek titans, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster were hanging out at Stephen Hawking’s house playing poker.

One of the titans had a little too much ambrosia and started spouting off about all the cool things he could do. The Flying Spaghetti Monster, annoyed by his braggardry, challenged the titan to a magic-off.

“Put your money where your mouth is!” said the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Intrigued, and eager to see him humiliated, the group followed the two outside and into the great abyss that existed before the Big Bang.

The titan huffed, and he puffed, but he just couldn’t blow the universe into existence. After a while he became winded and sat down in the ether.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster stood up, spread his long, saucy noodles, and clapped them together. Instantly, matter flew from him in all directions, creating galaxies of stars all around them.

And that, my children, is how a monster showed a pagan god how to clap all creation into being.


Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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