513. Monsters Like Onions

Ogres have layers. But creatures of the night like onions for a completely different reason.

Sure, we are excellent chefs. Onions, shallots, and other pungent vegetables feature regularly in our home recipes and at dinner with friends. They help balance the taste of various meats and work great on the grill. But there’s one reason above all others that we love working with onions.

They make our breath smell even more terrible!

One of our favorite ways to assault you is via your olfactory senses. Our body stink definitely plays the lead role in that onslaught. It’s a sense of pride to be literally dripping with sweat and drool and various unidentifiable viscera. But the icing on that putrid cake—the coup de stinky, if you will—is our bad breath.

It’s an odor that reaches deep into our intestinal tract, tugging tendrils of rancid flesh and gurgling bile back to the palate. The closer you are to losing your lunch over the wretched stench emanating from between our rotted teeth, the happier we are. And onions are the best at helping us achieve that effect.513. Monsters Like Onions

We do try to stay away from garlic on first dates, though. We aren’t monsters.


Sarah G

What do you get when you cross a horror movie with a pile of books? She’s not always sure, but Sarah G is always there to find the connection. In the process, she has helped found a local nonprofit, started a satirical holiday, ticked off celebrities, and tried to purchase the lunar surface.

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