73. Monsters Like Escaping Their Captors

Humans always place a priority on getting away from their evil captors. But sometimes the tables are turned, and it is us monsters trying to get away from menacing human mobs. Do you really think you can keep us captured?

I’ve escaped the clutches of death and Hell, and you place me in chains? You humans are comical. I don’t know what is funnier. Your belief that you have captured me, or these tiny, fragile links cuffed around my wrists. Either way, soon, I will be laughing and you will be screaming.

Let me tell you something: monsters don’t like being hunted, chased, or held captive in the dungeon any more than you do, people. We especially don’t care for being yelled at by angry mobs. And we hate torches. They make us angry, and you don’t want to see us when we’re angry…

Be a pal. Just let me out of these chains already, so I can go ahead and escape to destroy you and your village.



Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

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