77. Monsters Like Mysteriously Impregnating Unsuspecting Women

Sometimes it’s hard for us monsters to talk lovely ladies into bearing our demon spawn. For millennia, we forced our way into their homes and their hearts, only to be driven out of town by angry stepfathers and townsfolk with pitchforks

Then, only a few short centuries ago, we discovered a way to impregnate unsuspecting women in a way that was both harmless to them, and risk-free for us. It was a huge breakthrough!

Now, townsfolk have a much harder time chasing down the offending monster, and express their frustration and fear by alienating the unfortunate mothers instead. I mean, how do you know who to go after when all the women in your town give birth to ultra-intelligent blonde-headed humanoids on the same day? You don’t. And by shunning the mothers and their creepy offspring, you’re only playing into our need to keep them safe and separate from society.

Thanks for being so gullible. We’ll keep that in mind when it’s time to destroy your village.



Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

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