86. Monsters Like Chronically-Depressed, Sullen, Dull, Tedious, Exasperating Women

Bella-SwanDear Diary,

There is a New Moon out tonight. And as I sparkle in the Twilight, I find myself captivated by this enrapturing woman. She must be my girlfriend. She can go from downtrodden to vapid to uninspiring then back to hum drum in a matter of mere moments. But she is a mortal and I am a vampire. Can it ever be?

Diary, I must go. It is Breaking Dawn outside. I have to put on my makeup and emo clothes. You know, because that’s what vampires do.

Yours truly


Jim MacKenzie is an amateur futurist on his way to guru-hood. He studied journalism and works in television. Jim writes for several blogs, including The Incredible Vanishing Paperweight and the satirical horror site StuffMonsterslike.com. Jim and his SML co-blogger, Sarah Giavedoni, have started a holiday, ticked off celebrities and tried to purchase the lunar surface. In his spare time, Jim likes listening to rock music, reading, giving away free books at his nonprofit "The POP Project" and trying to catch the real Thomas Wolfe Home arsonist.

Comments are closed.