556. Monsters Like Dancing through the Pain

556. Monsters Like Dancing through the Pain

There’s a complete supremacy in immortality. The conquest of life over death that mere mortals can only chance, but in the end, never know. Over the years, one experiences many sensations. One sees regimes rise and fall. New generations build resistance against the sins of their fathers. And yet, they…

Read more…if you dare

555. Monsters Like Second Marriages

555. Monsters Like Second Marriages

I heard you once told your mother you hated her for making you eat brussel sprouts. Betcha didn’t know they would become the “it” vegetable of 2016. Betcha feel pretty bad about making something over nothing. Because now your mom’s dead. Well, I’m here now, child. And I’m running this…

Read more…if you dare

554. Monsters Like Proving that Age is Just a Number

554. Monsters Like Proving that Age is Just a Number

40 years. That’s nothing compared to all the terror I’ve survived in those decades. 11. The number of iterations in which this monstrous soul has inflicted trauma. $33.3 million. The record amount you’re willing to pay on an opening day in October to see whether I have the last laugh.…

Read more…if you dare

553. Monsters Like Indulging our Sweet Tooth

553. Monsters Like Indulging our Sweet Tooth

You know what’s better than gnawing on a warm femur freshly torn from the body of a still-screaming victim? You thought we were going to say “nothing,” right? Wrong. Sucking out the savory marrow of a severed leg is delicious, don’t get us wrong. But sometimes, only something sweet will…

Read more…if you dare

552. Monsters Like Growing in Stature, and also, in Monsterness

552. Monsters Like Growing in Stature, and also, in Monsterness

“Through their trials and tribulations, cheerfulness and heartaches, they had remained beautiful to each other. Although their youth and innocence had slightly faded, it was silently known among them they were no longer little ghouls. They were now little monsters.”   —Quoted from Chapter 49 of Louisa May Alcott’s Little…

Read more…if you dare

Halloween Week 2018: Stretch Your Celebrations with these Spooky Fun Holidays

Monsters get restless in the days before Halloween! We’re not very patient creatures, after all. Over the years, we monsters have developed* a series of Halloween Week holidays to help us get into the spooky spirit while letting us create mayhem well before our neighbors are prepared. So, grab your cape,…

Read more…if you dare

551. Monsters Like Animating the Cold, Lifeless Fingers of V.C. Andrews

551. Monsters Like Animating the Cold, Lifeless Fingers of V.C. Andrews

Andrews, author of the 1979 horror bestseller Flowers in the Attic died in 1986. Yet, she has written dozens and dozens of books since she started pushing up daisies. How? If we monsters told you our secret, we’d have to kill you. . . . . too.

Read more…if you dare

550. Monsters Like Sports

550. Monsters Like Sports

Humans are lazy. They say they like sports. Maybe they even do—a little. I see mortals at the bars, wearing their team jerseys and t-shirts. After the game, they go home and take them off. What? If you really loved your sport, your merchandise would be worn all the time.…

Read more…if you dare