572. Monsters Like Statistically Improbable Deaths

Statistically probable deaths are so boring. They’re ubiquitous. Most people will die from a predictable and probable death. These include heart disease, cancer, diabetes, strokes, and Alzheimer’s disease. Mostly brought on by lack of exercise, bad diet, or bad genetics. Most people you know, including yourself, will die from one…

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570. Monsters Like Random Title Generators

Coming up with all those scary movie names is hard work. “Bloody” this and “Slasher” that. Eventually you just run out of ideas. That’s where the random title generator comes in handy. Sure, it doesn’t spit out any titles that are too amazing, like “Reservoir Dogs” or “Requiem for a…

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569. Monsters Like Showmanship

569. Monsters Like Showmanship

An impeccable wardrobe. Inventive sexual encounters. The best club drugs the Korean underground has to offer. Impromptu musical performances. Sexy accents. Wealth beyond measure. Thorough manscaping. Making a memorable entrance. After millennia of offering favors to aspiring artists and performers, you begin to understand a little about what the public…

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568. Monsters Like Throwing Shade

568. Monsters Like Throwing Shade

Hey, King Kong—what’re you the ruler of? Numbskull Island? Yo, Mothra. Who designed your wing pattern? My grandmother’s curtains? Godzilla? More like Nod-zilla. What a snooze! Your momma is so fat, when she destroys a Japanese city, she destroys the WHOLE city.

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567. Monsters Like Being an Outsider

“Unhappy is he to whom the memories of childhood bring only fear and sadness. Wretched is he who looks back upon lone hours in vast and dismal chambers with brown hangings and maddening rows of antique books, or upon awed watches in twilight groves of grotesque, gigantic, and vine-encumbered trees…

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566. Monsters Like When Your Vegetables Eat You

Everything has its place on the food chain. Lettuce consumes the nutrients from the soil. Rabbits munch on lettuce. People catch rabbits and turn them into stew. But don’t be fooled—the chain doesn’t end with humans. Instead, it has a couple extra links. And those links are bigger, deadlier, and…

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