585. Monsters Like Evil Brainstorming Sessions

When you’re gearing up for the most important thing you will ever do. When you need to find a way for the Bad Place to win forever. When putting Hitler in is not enough for a quick win (either Adolf or Steve—they’re both pretty bad). When you’re skipping evil zumba…

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584. Monsters Like Calling up Our Exes…from the Grave!

584. Monsters Like Calling up Our Exes...from the Grave!

Some days you can’t win. Your hair may be on point. Your lipstick may be perfect. But for some reason, nothing is going right. You feel out of sorts. Your girls will NOT stop screwing things up. And some virgin lit the black flame candle and stole your favorite book.…

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583. Monsters Like Eschewing Traditional Alarm Clocks

583. Monsters Like Eschewing Traditional Alarm Clocks

Who wants to wake up to “Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!“ Ughhhh. How annoying, even for a dead ghoul.  A monster’s favorite alarm clock is the Addamses. Because it’s nice to see old friends when you first get up.

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582. Monsters Like Non-Sequitur Sequels

582. Monsters Like Non-Sequitur Sequels

All the kids want a new Silver Shamrock Co. mask for Halloween.  In fact, so many kids want it, you could almost accuse the manufacturer of mind control.  Whatever happened to the inside-out Shatner mask from the first two movies?  Halloween III must be a non-sequitur sequel. It did bring…

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581. Monsters Like When the Halloween Store Comes to Town

581. Monsters Like When the Halloween Store Comes to Town

Do you know how hard it is to find a good fog machine off season? Do you know how much slime we go through in a single month? When the Halloween store opens in the previously abandoned Kmart each fall, it gives us a chance to stock up on all…

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580. Monsters Like Game Night

The ceremony was beautiful. The reception was fun. The champagne fountain has run dry. Now, here you are on your wedding night—How will you possibly spend the time?! Why not stay up until dawn playing games with your brand new, nutso in-laws? It’s every bride’s dream wedding night, right? Hey,…

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579. Monsters Like Long, Cool Drinks of Water

Monsters Like Long, Cool Drinks of Water

You know what’s wrong with this planet? It’s too hot, and it’s too dry.  We’re practically useless on dry land. Just a lumpy, inert mass in our shriveled stasis. Luckily, you skeletal creatures are 70% water. And you’ve figured out a system for freshwater delivery to make up the difference.…

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578. Monsters Like Stony Ground

Most people tend to their ground to make it more fertile. They add compost and fertilizers. They plant crops. They till the ground, and they reap what they sow. There is a season for everything under the sun. And it is good. But what happens when a ground has been…

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