13. Monsters Like November First

It gets cold outside in November. The leaves fall. Turkey dressing flows like red wine. And monsters get excited. First of all, it’s the beginning of the off-season for part-time ghouls. Terrorizing people on October 31st takes a lot out of a  disembodied flaming horn-headed demon. But November First also…

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12. Monsters Like Slime!

Who doesn’t like slime? Kids love it, men love it, women love to hate it, even Nickelodeon used to have a show about it. Slime is one of those things that’s both really gross and really awesome – like being able to flip your eyelids inside out. And as connessoirs…

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11. Monsters Like Kidnapping Women

Much like video game players or motorists who place point values on hitting people in the street, monsters get points for kidnapping women. Women are fun to chase – even your average bar-going man agrees – the good ones put up a good fight when they’re caught, and kidnapped women…

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10. Monsters Like Hardware Stores

Wherever you find a psychopathic, deranged murderer, you can likely locate an old-fashioned hardware store nearby. These tool emporiums are good for all your knife-sharpening, drill bit, machete, hatchet, and chainsaw needs. After all, blades get really dull following a dozen slayings or so. Psycho killers could never be convinced…

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9. Monsters Like Vintage Bed Sheets

Every disembodied spirit has needs. Children to scare. Places to haunt. Clean, white bed sheets for attire. But in the last several decades, finding the proper, plain linens has become difficult. Would you be frightened of an invisible spirit wearing a bed sheet decorated with Luke Skywalker? What about the…

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8. Monsters Like Mad Scientists

It’s happened to all of us. You’re just lying there in some dark laboratory. A quick inspection reveals that you are nothing but a pile of body parts. . . a hand here, a tongue there, a pile of eyeballs and a few toes. No good monster can terrorize the…

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7. Monsters Like Hiding Under the Bed

Monsters have been given a bad reputation by ax murderers and psycho killers, who hide under your bed in wait for sinister reasons. Contrary to popular belief, monsters hide under the bed for more reasons than just to wait for you to go to sleep so they can terrorize you.…

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6. Monsters Like Radiation

There are several reasons why monsters are fans of radiation. For one, radiation is responsible for creating some monsters. Without exposure to radiation, the world would never have seen the Hulk, or Swamp Thing. And to take that logic train to the next stop, radiation could very well create new…

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