17. Monsters Like “Pod, Sweet Pod”

“Home is where the heart is.” Humans think of the homes of their youth as filled with love, warmth, understanding, and comfort. But monsters get sentimental too. The homes, or pods, of a monster’s youth are remembered as filled with sticky, glowing, mucous for nourishment, connected to a temporary, mechanical…

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16. Monsters Like Defying Standard Lifespans

For millennia, man has tried time and again to find a way to live longer, if not forever. From Achilles to Ponce de Leon, great historical figures have fought for immortality, but very few since the age of the Old Testament have been known to live a full century, or…

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15. Monsters Like Long Teeth, Sharp Nails

Fangs and claws are not only a useful and tortuous tool for monsters, they’re also sets of fashionable accessories. As mentioned in an earlier post (see “Good Hair Days”), monsters care very much about their appearance, and can be just as vain as anyone else. Long teeth and sharp nails…

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14. Monsters Like Rookies

Imagine you are encircling the distant planet of Gorgulon 7 in your futuristic space ship. It’s time to gather the away team to beam down and explore the exotic surface and fauna. Of course, you need your best crew members. The choices are almost obvious. The ship’s science officer, the…

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13. Monsters Like November First

It gets cold outside in November. The leaves fall. Turkey dressing flows like red wine. And monsters get excited. First of all, it’s the beginning of the off-season for part-time ghouls. Terrorizing people on October 31st takes a lot out of a  disembodied flaming horn-headed demon. But November First also…

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12. Monsters Like Slime!

Who doesn’t like slime? Kids love it, men love it, women love to hate it, even Nickelodeon used to have a show about it. Slime is one of those things that’s both really gross and really awesome – like being able to flip your eyelids inside out. And as connessoirs…

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11. Monsters Like Kidnapping Women

Much like video game players or motorists who place point values on hitting people in the street, monsters get points for kidnapping women. Women are fun to chase – even your average bar-going man agrees – the good ones put up a good fight when they’re caught, and kidnapped women…

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10. Monsters Like Hardware Stores

Wherever you find a psychopathic, deranged murderer, you can likely locate an old-fashioned hardware store nearby. These tool emporiums are good for all your knife-sharpening, drill bit, machete, hatchet, and chainsaw needs. After all, blades get really dull following a dozen slayings or so. Psycho killers could never be convinced…

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