Stuff Monsters Like – the List!

1. Running Across the Rooftops of London

2. Eating Little Girls

3. Destroying Tokyo

4. Hanging out in the Dark

5. Good Hair Days

6. Radiation

7. Hiding Under the Bed

8. Mad Scientists

9. Vintage Bed Sheets

10. Hardware Stores

11. Kidnapping Women

12. Slime!

13. November First

14. Rookies

15. Long Teeth, Sharp Nails

16. Defying Standard Lifespans

17. Pod, Sweet Pod

18. Staying Up Late… to Kill You!

19. Mind Rays

20. Sunny Days without Being Chased by Angry Mobs with Pitchforks

21. Revenge Against the Perpetrators, or, Failing That, on Humanity

22. Fearless, Immodest Women

23. Limping

24. Ancient Curses from Antiquated Gods

25. Coooookies

26. Weak-Ankled Women

27. The Full Moon

28. Creating an Apocalypse

29. Stop, Drop, and Roll

30. Poor Camera Work

31. Revealing Themselves in Silhouette

32. Dressing Up and Performing in Public

33. That the Kardashian Sisters Taste Like Country Ham and Hairspray

34. Stain Removers with Bleach

35. Medallions

36. Two-for-One Movie Nights

37. Tanning Beds

38. Sewing Kits

39. Hoodies

40. Hyperbole

41. Paying Bargain Rates for your Soul

42. Cereal Sponsorship – A Brutal History of Struggle

43. Muenster Cheese

44. Creepy Organ Music

45. Using Their Superhuman Abilities to Win the Big Game

46. Stealing Chickens

47. Sewers

48. Cemeteries

49. Redecorating Their Lairs

50. Walking Amongst Other Socially Outcast Freaks at Comic Book Conventions

51. Googling Themselves

52. Hypno-Eyes

53. Teflon

54. Bad Cell Phone Reception

55. Creepy Statues of Little Girls

56. Overly Dramatic Theme Music

57. Poorly Marked Hiking Trails

58. Active Sex Lives

59. Spotty Wiring Systems

60. Crashing Your Party

61. Cleverly Disguising Their Evil Plots in Backwards Cryptic Writing

62. Battling Blog Killers

63. Bad Special Effects

64. Hormone-Free Meat

65. Revealing Their Evil Plot to the Good Guys Before Executing Them

66. Ruining Your Meal

67. Reincarnation

68. English Voice Overdubs

69. Speaking in Foreign Tongues

70. Interrupting Grooming Routines

71. Unruly Children

72. Cookouts

73. Escaping Their Captors

74. 9-1-1 Service

75. Men’s Wearhouse

76. Hiding Their Identity

77. Mysteriously Impregnating Unsuspecting Women

78. Inhabiting Abandoned Houses with “Dubious” Pasts

79. Hearing Our Name Called Out Repeatedly

80. Celebrating Special Occasions

81. Attention

82. Playing with Your Engine While You’re Not Looking

83. Holy Water

84. Hosting Late Night Television Shows

85. When the Dumb Blonde Busty Cheerleader Runs Upstairs Instead of Outside

86. Chronically-Depressed, Sullen, Dull, Tedious, Exasperating Women

87. Cleaning the Bones

88. Antici…

89. Room 237

90. Intimidation

91. Calling into Work Dead

92. Giant Tesla Coils

93. Wishing You a Happy New Year

94. Freedom of Speech

95. Island Getaways

96. Invading Earth and Showing Earthlings Just Where They Fall in the Food Chain

97. A Foot Hanging Out from Under the Covers

98. Seeing Eye Stallions

99. Guarding the Treasure, Fair Maidens, or the Gates to Hades

100. Meeting Abbott and Costello

101. Higher Education

102. When the Gun Jams

103. Eye of Newt

104. Arts and Crafts

105. Skeptics

106. Prematurely Revealing Their Evil Plots

107. Coming Out of the Closet

108. Alliterative Killings

109. Being Sports Team Mascots

110. Bedwetters

111. Finger Sandwiches

112. Returning Every Halloween

113. Scream Machines

114. Mass Production

115. Alternative Medicine

116. Holding Down Regular Jobs

117. Manicures

118. When You Hide the Zombie Bite from Your Friends

119. Mother’s Day

120. Disembodied Limbs

121. Saying “I’d rather be dead,” But Really Meaning It

122. Chasing Pac-Man

123. Broken and Disconnected Phones

124. Inclusion

125. Matrimony

126. Midnight Snacks

127. Indian Burial Grounds

128. Scabs

129. Free Weapons

130. When You Open the Tomb

131. Knowing that Being Dead Won’t Keep Us Down

132. Slurping Blood

133. Girls’ Night Out

134. Possessing Babies with Hell-Demons

135. Black Magic Women

136. Heat Waves

137. Punctuating Their Sentences with Lightning

138. Ear Plugs

139. Regular Oral Hygiene

140. Formaldehyde

141. Leather Masks

142. Crying Blood

143. Bear Traps

144. Gullible Drivers Who Pick Up Hitchhikers

145. When You Hide Behind the Door

146. Morbid Fashion Sense

147. When Humans Believe there is a Working Phone Somewhere Inside that Old, Dirty, Abandoned, Creepy House

148. When the Butler Did It

149. Following You Home

150. Mood Lighting

151. Paintings with Moving Eyes

152. Crocodile-Infested Moats

153. When Young College Kids take a Weekend at their Cousins’ Secluded Cabins in the Rural Forest

154. Gothic, Southern Cities

155. Surviving Car Accidents

156. Serendipitously Finding Carelessly Placed Body Parts

157. Providing Biting Commentary About your Bourgeois, Consumer, Hum-drum, Routine, Mindless Automaton Lives

158. Having Real Estate Named After Them

159. Being Famous

160. Red Tape

161. When You Mistake an Invasion for a Weather Balloon

162. Hidden Prizes in Your Candy

163. When Children Take Candy from Strangers

164. Extreme Sports

165. When Your New Neighbors Neglect to Mention Things

166. Twins

167. Impeccable Grooming Routines

168. When You Think the Stoner is Just Being Paranoid

169. Bludgeoning

170. The War on Christmas

171. Running Amuck

172. Two-Way Mirrors

173. Dismemberment Insurance

174. Multipurpose Tool Boxes

175. Ruining Important Family Events

176. Alpha Males

177. Hiring the Old Man at the Gas Station Down the Road to Give False Directions

178. Global Warming Deniers

179. Surprising You in the Bathroom

180. When You Read Aloud From that Latin Spell Book

181. Food Crafts

182. Cockroaches and Cher

183. Holiday Stew

184. Fair Treatment During the Holidays

185. Joining Their Voices in Holiday Spirits

186. When Your Cell Phone Rings at the Exact Moment You’re Hiding in the Closet from the Killer

187. Being Action Figures

188. Las Vegas

189. Terrorizing Young Entrepreneurs

190. Knowing What You Did Last Summer

191. Still Knowing What You Did Last Summer

192. Playing with Dolls

193. The Hobson’s Choice

194. Dying When the Amulet is Destroyed

195. Going Crazy for No Reason When We Get Super Powers

196. Learning from their Ancestors

197. Toying with Human Emotions

198. The N.C.C.G.A. (National Cotton Candy Gun Association

199. Incongruous Movie Titles

200. Being Gentlemen

201. Pet Supply Stores

202. Celebrity Endorsements

203. Mac OS

204. Stealing Your Heart

205. Living in Inhospitable Habitats

206. When Campers Retreat into Tents for Protection

207. Braaaaaaaains

208. Agrarian Jobs, Like Being Butchers

209. Giving the Evil Eye

210. Guarding the Edge of the Planet on Old World Maps

211. Having a Wild Side

212. When Our Evil Robots are Fully Charged

213. Leaving Inconspicuously Dead Bodies Lying Around in Ways that You Don’t Know if They’re Really Dead, so You Try to Wake Them to Make Sure, But then You Discover that They’ve Been Alive All Along and Have Just Been Waiting to Kill You

214. Dodging the Falling Chandelier Attached to the Rope that the Hero has Just Chopped as He Rides the Rope to the Upper Floor

215. Avian Rage

216. Car Batteries that Always Tend to Fail Once they are Driven Out into the Deep, Creepy, Abandoned Forest

217. When an Entire Town Wall Gets Filled with Posters of Missing Children, but the Parents Don’t Ever Leave, Even in the Face of Obvious Danger, and Some of them Even Continue to Have More Babies

218. Playing with Matches

219. The Atkins Diet

220. Artisan Glass Blowing Crafts

221. Broom Closets

222. Lethargy and High Cholesterol Diets

223. Keeping Bunnies as their Best Friends

224. Horticulture

225. Long, Tedious, Dramatic Countdowns

226. Resurrection

227. Fog Machines

228. Working Refrigerators

229. When Old Roads in the Middle of Nowhere are for Some Reason Covered in Nails and Other Tire Piercing Materials

230. Pretending to be Your Kid’s Imaginary Friend

231. Remote Conferencing

232. Feeling Welcome

233. When You Lend a Helping Hand

234. 360-Degree Vision

235. Grabbing You from Behind . . . the Wall

236. Crawling Over Furniture

237. Having Only One Name, Like Rock Stars and Artists and Clothing Designers

238. Coming to Your Kids’ Birthday Parties

239. Calling You from Inside the House

240. When You Misspell Stuff

241. Sleeping in on Sundays

242. Television

243. Rent-Free Living

244. Being Good Parents

245. That Grave Robbing and Body Snatching are Treated as Completely Different Crimes Under the Law

246. Stealing the Spotlight

247. Running with Sharp Objects

248. MASH

249. That Vegetarians Really Do Taste Better

250. Dognapping

251. Science

252. The Evil Twin

253. Fire Extinguishers

254. Dressing in Drag

255. When You Forget to Keep Your Hands and Arms Tucked Firmly Inside the Vehicle

256. Vending Machines

257. Entering into Unified Legal Partnerships

258. That the Mute Girl is Always Psychic

259. Ignoring the Warnings of the Surgeon General

260. Having Old Friends for Dinner

261. Making Your Wishes Come True

262. Sacrificing Virgins

263. Safe Sex

264. Helping You Fall in Love

265. Howling at the Moon

266. Close Encounters

267. To be Intellectually Challenged

268. Wearing People Masks

269. When Things Get Lost in Translation

270. Summer Camp

271. Exploring the Cosmos

272. Beheadings

273. Having a Little Down Time

274. Disposable Body Parts

275. Transmogrification

276. Dumb People with an Overdeveloped Sense of Adventure

277. Outdoing Humans at their Own Ideas

278. Making the Phones Ring, Even When the Phones are Detached from Cords

279. Bobbing for People

280. Making the Third Movie in the Series in 3-D

281. Curing Your Hiccups

282. Fainters

283. Phonographs

284. Watching Your Children for You While You Sleep

285. Moving Day

286. Making Home Movies

287. Sequels

288. Evolution

289. Provoking the Vegans

290. Refusing to Buy WD-40

291. Friday the 13th More than Halloween

292. Feeding the Arachnids

293. Playing the Devil’s Advocate

294. Keeping Pets…FOREVER!

295. Parenting

296. Visiting Exotic Locations with Scorching Climates

297. Fan Clubs

298. Being the One Percent

299. Throwing Killer Parties

300. The 13th Floor

301. Spiking the Punch

302. Haunted Hayrides

303. Halloween-themed Snacks

304. Human-themed Snacks

305. Decorative Spider Webs

306. Vintage Clothing

307. Diversity

308. When the Severed Hand Crawls Across the Floor

309. Being of Service

310. Mathematics

311. Abandoned Carnivals

312. The Rapture

313. Backyard Activities

314. Doing Things the Easy Way

315. When You Cross the Streams

316. Their Peace and Quiet

317. Vacancies

318. High Heels

319. Taking Children to Spain

320. Forced Animal Labor

321. Living a Life of Culture

322. Making Unlikely Alliances

323. Getting Mad and Getting Even

324. Working the Graveyard Shift

325. Recognizing Personal Milestones by Making Others Read About Them

326. Having an Open Mind

327. How-To Manuals

328. Being the Ugliest One of All

329. Being Decisive

330. Ultra-Specific Legal Line Items

331. Family Time with Grandpa

332. Eating From Farm to Table

333. Helping Solve Debates Regarding the Full Moon

334. Early Childhood Development

335. Beach Parties

336. Faulty Emergency Brakes

337. High-Stakes Gambling

338. That Breaker Boxes are Always Located in Convenient, Outside, and Easy-To-Sabotage Locations

339. Being Wedding Crashers

340. Pranking their Friends for Fun and Mayhem

341. Changing the Carpets

342. When You Can’t Wait to Open our Surprise Gifts

343. Commemorating Famous Zombies

344. Molding the Minds of Young Children

345. Bullet-Proof Vests

346. People with Powerful Curiosity that Overrides Even their Own Sense of Self-Preservation

347. Hard-Drinking Establishments

348. Investing in Real Estate with a View

349. When You Put Our Stickers on Your Car So We Know to Avoid You Because You are Likely a Douche Bag

350. Witty Opponents

351. Chinese Takeout

352. Revealing the Horror was Really Just a Dream, then Suddenly Revealing the Dream was Just a Dream and it was All Actually Real

353. Snuggling

354. A Good, Challenging Chase

355. When You Hide Under the Car Like We’re Not Going to Find You

356. Microscopic Typefaces

357. Asking You Obvious Questions

358. Being the Stars of Their Own Movies, Bryan Cranston!

359. Saving Leftovers for Lunch Tomorrow

360. The Extra Free Time We Have Now that We’re on Social Media 

361. Appropriately Descriptive Location Names

362. Forty Years of Eternal Darkness, the Dead Rising From the Grave, and Dogs and Cats Living Together

363. When You Realize the Walking Dead Aren’t the Zombies but the Survivors Forced to Endure in a World without Order, Modern Conveniences, and Goodwill

364. High-Quality Rain Gear

365. Filling up Your Calendar

366. That You Don’t Have the Guts to Finish off Your Loved Ones Once They Become Infected

367. Dressing their Best for Work

368. Giving in to Our Baser Instincts

369. High Precipitation Forecasts

370. That Scary Movies Don’t Cause Nightmares, They Enhance Them 

371. Holding Grudges Better than Most Scorpios

372. Dewey Decimal 001.944

373. Making Old Family Recipes

374. Persistence

375. Board Games

376. Putting the Anti-Christ in Christmas 

377. Celebrating the New Year with Loss on Earth and Turmoil to Their Fellow Man

378. Using a Middle-Man to Send our Messages

379. Being Young … Forever!

380. Ignoring the FDA’s Recommendations for Daily Caloric Intake 

381. The Human Belief that Bringing Things Back from the Grave Means the Person or Creature will be Exactly Like They were Before They Died

382. Calling Su Casa es Mi Casa

383. Romantic Getaways

384. Being in Denial about our Own State of Undeath

385. Giving You Everything You Ever Dreamed of…for a Price!

386. Appearing in Police Line-ups

387. Appearing in Familiar Corporeal Form

388. Animal Rights

389. Preserving the Memories of Loved Ones

390. Watching Our Language

391. Accoutrements for Those who Like Terror while Bathing

392. Motor Vehicles with Large Beds

393. Monochrome

394. Really, Really Strong Moisturizer

395. The Old “Devil Made Me do it” Excuse

396. US Politics

397. Second Life Video Games

398. When You Say “I’ll be Fine” before You Run out into the Woods Alone

399. Perfecting Our Sinister Phone Voices

400. Regenerating Limbs

401. Barbara

402. Peeling Back the Outer Layer of Your Quaint, Socially-Conservative Town to Reveal the Real Horrors of the Dark, Seedy Underbelly of the Suburbs

403. Being Sweet

404. Taking Our Metaphors Literally

405. Fine Leatherwork

406. Being Genetically Modified

407. Impossibly Small Tunnels

408. Picking Your Brain

409. Having Distorted Body Images

410. When Everyone Realizes Humans were the Real Monsters All Along

411. Flirting with Death

412. The Corruption of Innocents

413. Pet Care

414. Demanding the Usage of Formal Gender Qualifiers

415. Halloween Masks

416. That The Simpsons Never Freaking Missed a Halloween Special, and They’re the Best Episodes Ever

417. That Humans Will Swerve their Cars off the Road to Miss a Phantasmagoric Ghost that they Could Just Pass Right through yet Kill themselves in the Horrible Flaming Accident that Results

418. Complicated Family Relationships

419. Kidnapping Babies

420. Killing Stoners

421. Play Time

422. The Day after the Global Apocalypse

423. Licking Knives

424. Knowing Who has been Naughty

425. Having a Lot of Names

426. Proving that Being the Final Girl isn’t just for Virgins and Moral High-Grounders

427. Dressing Like We’re Always on Our Way to the S&M Club

428. Trading Contact Information

429. Blind Dates

430. Combining Two Pre-Existing Things to Make Something New

431. Defying Scientific Logic

432. Shopping for Supplies before the Big Game

433. Making Grown Men Cry

434. Charging Way Too Much to Just Drive Across Town, Take A Look In The Sink, Then Pouring DRANO Down There? Oh, And Then Killing You. It’s Almost Criminal If You Ask Us.

435. Being Reality TV Stars

436. Homeschooling

437. Legalized Marijuana

438. Waiting Silently in Suits of Armor for Purposes of Recon and Information Gathering and Possibly Some Comical Chase Hijinks

439. Waiting to Show their Fangs until Someone Says “I’m Not Afraid of You”

440. A Loyal House Staff

441. Staples Rewards Points

442. Personal Assistants

443. Telling their Significant Other to go Easy on the Calories

444. That Eyeglass Companies Still Haven’t Figured out Better Ways to Keep Bifocals Attached to People’s Heads

445. Attending the Theatre

446. That Stephen King Painfully Belabors his Metaphors, Painfully

447. Losing Our Heads

448. Being Lousy Roommates

449. Having Unfinished Business

450. Island Gigantism

451. Scaring You to Death

452. Assaulting Your Olfactory Senses

453. Bringing People Together

454. Helping You Invest Wisely

455. The Five-Day Work Week

456. The Element of Surprise

457. Looking Down on You

458. When You Dip in Your Toes

459. Popping Bennies

460. Compasses and Slide Rules

461. Collecting Antiques

462. Bureaucracy

463. When You Split up into Groups of Two

464. When the Lights Go out in Your Bedroom, and Your Mind Swiftly Remembers Every Single Horror Movie You’ve Ever Seen, and Suddenly, Like Magic, All the Creepy Horror Characters are There in Your Room, Standing in the Corner, Waiting for You to Fall Asleep

465. Peer Pressure

466. When the Good-Meaning Time Travelers Fail and Your Actions Inevitably Bring about the Destruction of Civilization as We Know it, Despite the Fact that it was Pretty Obvious You Should have Known Better

467. When You’re Missing Information about Yourself

468. Being Immortalized in Children’s Songs

469. That Flashlights Never Work

470. Taking a Few Extra Minutes Every Morning to Dress Their Best for Success

471. Celebratory Child Sacrifice [Holiday Edition]

472. Dressing up for Their Office Christmas Party

473. Making New Year’s Resolutions

474. Rapid Physical Deterioration

475. A Lack of Photons in the Spatial Array of Input Data to our Ocular Sensory Observations

476. Sticking to the Increasingly Unaffordable McMansion Market Even Though All Their Friends are Downsizing

477. That Humans who Become Inevitably Bound with Machines only Turn into Soulless, Technology-Driven Killers, Unable to Access Their Diminishing Humanity as They Spiral Further and Further into a Sadistic State of Techno-Fascism

478. Making Every Moment Count

479. Industrial-Strength Cleaning Products

480. Fast Food

481. When You Come to Meet the Family

482. Weak Bladders

483. Taking the Plunge

484. Appearing on Album Covers

485. Subjecting You to Your Own Worst Fears to See if We can Crush Your Spirit for All Eternity

486. The Earth’s 23.5° Tilt on its Axis

487. Creating the Entire Known Universe

488. …pation

489. Other-Mother’s Day

490. Mortuary Artillery

491. Waiting Until the Climax to Finally Make that Soul-Searching Revelation that They were, All Along, from Page One, the True Embodiment of Evil Run Amok

492. Never, Ever, Under Any Circumstances Using the Hashtag #YOLO

493. Hiding in Plain Sight

494. Your New Look

495. Public Transportation

496. Returning from Other Dimensions

497. The Old Human Bait and Switch

498. Going Postal

499. Morse Code

500. Taking a Quick Victory Lap

501. That You Refuse to Take Advantage of Modern Conveniences

502. That Extra Wall Panel that’s Not on the Floor Plan

503. That You Never Take Heed of the Older Matron Warning You that This House is Not Fit to Live in

504. Your Compulsion to Force Open Locked Doors

505. Dust Busters

506. The Cost-Benefit Ratio of a Higher Education

507. Seeing the Eiffel Tower Just Once before They Die

508. Proving How Much Nazis Suck

509. Farm-Fresh Produce

510. Party City Coupons

511. Being the Life of Your Halloween Party

512. Gas Station Barbecue

513. Onions

514. Keeping Our Secrets

515. Putting Your Holiday Anxiety in the Form of Song

516. Cryostasis

517. Clean Coal

518. That Humans Need to Encounter Time-Traveling Paranormal Spirits in Order to Be Nice and Learn to Share

519. Being Surrounded on All Sides by Water

520. Hoarding

521. Dramatic Family Reunions

522. A Pragmatically-Tailored Suit

523. Aviation Theory

524. Roseanne

525. Getting Around Customs Issues

526. Witnessing what Two Decades of Seeing Dead People does to Your Favorite Child Stars

527. Alliterative Killings, Part Deux

528. When You Torture Yourselves

529. Having Thick Coats

530. Watching Romantic Comedies

531. Being Sweet (Sometimes)

532. Self-Help

533. Uninvited Overnight Guests

534. Coming across the Perfect Epitaph

535. Engendering a Peaceful Coexistence

536. Being Small, but Mighty

537. Sticking with the Plan, No Matter What

538. Confirmation Bias

539. Country-Dependent Alternate Endings

540. That When Life Closes a Door, it Opens a Window

541. Ironically Enjoying Fine Literature

542. Being 20% More Impulsive

543. Working for Really Competitive Wages

544. Learning about Geography

545. Ruining Your Summer Plans

546. Pulling All-Nighters

547. Keeping it Cool

548. Shiny Accessories

549. Eisenhower-era Punishments

550. Sports

551. Animating the Cold, Lifeless Fingers of V.C. Andrews

552. Growing in Stature, and also, in Monsterness

553. Indulging Our Sweet Tooth

554. Proving that Age is Just a Number

555. Second Marriages

556. Dancing through the Pain

557. Putting Our Own Spin on the Holiday Season

558. The Phrase “New Year, New You”

559. Leaning into the Rumours

560. The Blood Moon

561. Inspiring You to Hurt Yourselves

562. Hearing the Police Say, “This is a 3,000-year-old Egyptian mummy exhibit. They just don’t get up in the middle of the night and walk off by themselves,” after the monster has already gotten up in the middle of the night and walked off by itself.

563. When You Disbelieve Women

564. Making Vague, Empty, Open-Ended Threats

565. Thin Air

566. When Your Vegetables Eat You

567. Being an Outsider

568. Throwing Shade

569. Showmanship

570. Random Title Generators

571. Moving to Ironically Named Locations

572. Statistically Improbably Deaths

573. Surprise Gender Reveals

574. Confronting Our Past

575. Making an Appearance in Your Bedtime Stories

576. Making the Audience Uncomfortable

577. Learning the Big Family Secret

578. Stony Ground

579. Long, Cool Drinks of Water

580. Game Night

581. When the Halloween Store Comes to Town

582. Non-Sequitur Sequels

583. Eschewing Traditional Alarm Clocks

584. Calling up Our Exes…from the Grave!

585. Evil Brainstorming Sessions

586. Teaching You the Reason for the Season … whether You Like it or Not

587. Using the Magic of Christmas … to Exact Our Revenge!

588. Haunting Teen Sleuths

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WHAT HAVE WE MISSED?

Send us your ideas for Stuff Monsters Like in the comments below.