Stuff Monsters DON’T Like

There was once a human who asserted that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I don’t always buy that.

At least, I believe I should have conquered the planet seven times over if that were true.

Be that as it may, on a site devoted to educating humans about the myriad of subjects near and dear to a monster’s heart, it is only right to mention a few of the things that monsters dislike, as well.

You may have already seen these things on your television set or computer device. But if not, here are five things that monsters most assuredly do not like.


5. Monsters DON’T Like Poor Gas Mileage

Chasing dumb teenagers through the woods isn’t a high paying gig. It’s a job you have to be passionate about it. When money is tight – or just when you’d rather spend it on a new pair of shoes – it’s good to know that you don’t have to spend quite so much on gas.


4. Monsters DON’T Like Missing their Volunteer Hours

Sometimes monsters like to switch things up a bit. You know. Do a few good deeds to clear our karma.

Then again, sometimes monsters just like to pretend to do good deeds to flesh out new…flesh.


3. Monsters DON’T Like Mornings

We’re night people. We live at night. We work at night. We eat at night.

Mornings are tough unless you’ve got a good breakfast in you.


2. Monsters DON’T Like Slow Bandwidth

Let’s be honest. This one isn’t really a monster thing. Everybody hates slow bandwidth. There’s really no need to make a big deal about the fact that monsters hate it too.


1. Monsters DON’T Like When you Tease them with Beef Jerky

Listen, humans. Don’t be dicks. Everybody likes jerky. Everybody who hangs out alone in the woods for days at a time gets hungry. Do you really think it’s a good idea to wave delicious food in the face of a hungry creature twice your size? C’mon.


Our monster mascots help us with our evil schemes, as well as taking care of chores around the mansion. From writing press releases to collaborating on blog posts, this blog would not exist without them.

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