501. Monsters Like that You Refuse to Take Advantage of Modern Conveniences
Turn on the light! Turn on ALL the lights! Why are you wandering around in the dark, stupid? Don’t you know there’s a killer in the house?!
Tag: alone in the dark
475. Monsters Like a Lack of Photons in the Spatial Array of Input Data to our Ocular Sensory Observations
It’s the dark, people. The dark. It’s just a fancy way of saying that monsters like when the lights go out. That’s all.
469. Monsters Like that Flashlights Never Work
We read somewhere that a flashlight was really just a plastic tube to store dead batteries inside. And boy, do we monsters know it? We thrive in the darkness. Flashlights do not. This is why we will always win. If you want our advice, don’t take the time to fidget…
464. Monsters Like When the Lights Go out in Your Bedroom, and Your Mind Swiftly Remembers Every Single Horror Movie You’ve Ever Seen, and Suddenly, Like Magic, All the Creepy Horror Characters are There in Your Room, Standing in the Corner, Waiting for You to Fall Asleep
458. Monsters Like When You Dip in Your Toes
Timid? Shy? Don’t like taking off your clothes in front of your friends? That’s fine. We sympathize. We have a solution. When your unabashed wanton friends go upstairs to screw, take off your shoes and just dip in your toes. That’s all. Just your toes. It’ll be fine.
398. Monsters Like When You Say “I’ll be Fine” before You Run out into the Woods Alone
When you see it on television or in a movie, you always cringe: “I’ll be fine alone in the dark woods with a flashlight we both know doesn’t work well or a rusty lantern that could be taken out with one light breeze.” “Don’t worry! What could possibly happen as…
362. Monsters Like Forty Years of Eternal Darkness, the Dead Rising From the Grave, and Dogs and Cats Living Together
Yes. Tremble! The final sign of the Apocalypse is here.
357. Monsters Like Asking You Obvious Questions
